I can’t live without coffee. When it pours into my cup and when I taste that bitterness on my tongue, I get a very amazing kind of high. The high that tells me ‘man you can do anythin’ you want. You can power through the day, climb them mountains, read them documents. You can talk fast and still talk sense’.

I have to have coffee within an hour of waking up, else I feel— I feel low and sad and down of energy. I feel like something is preventing me from doing my best. I feel cranky and dis-agreeable.

After I drink coffee- I feel happy. The “HEHHEHEHE” kind of happy. I can do team work so easily that I must get a medal or something for it, and I am super agreeable. It is advantageous to my company to have coffee around me, so that I can be a better employee.

I consume Coffee in any of her forms: filter coffee, instant coffee, latte coffee, black coffee or Americano. Now I don’t even know the difference between many of them, because there is a saying ‘coffee is coffee is coffee’. I also really don’t know what that phrase means, but whatevah! I have a cuppa coffee in mah hands right now yo!

I’ve gotten used to having her without sugar. Now, I *need* her to be without sugar, else I miss her bitterness. She has me addicted. Without her I cannot function anymore. She is my fix. My drug. She gave me status by making other coffee friends.With Coffee, I was able to attack technical questions, be sharp at meetings, and even look busy sipping on something. She gave me something to do with my hands when otherwise it would be weirdly sitting in my pocket or tapping on a desk looking like a tuneless tabla player.

I started to go excess on coffee when I was stressed. I moved from latte to black coffee, to lower the calories, and soon found black spots on my teeth. I blamed it on chewing gum at first, but I was unable to prove the link between chewing gum and black teeth— the evidence was weak. I then blamed it on toothpaste, but I knew in my heart it was the black coffee.

I started having coffee after breakfast, at 11am, and after lunch. One day I had so much coffee (5 cups), that the barista lady asked me if I am on a vrat (hindu’s fast). I said “ah ha ha no no no”, but I got scared. Was it really that bad?

One day I found my hands shaking. I was on my 3rd cup, attracted by the warmth she gave me in the cold weather. I found that I was jitter-ry and was talking faster than usual. This is not a good sign. I thought. I also had a face full of acne. The spots would just stay on, and I found only one path— the only solution being that I abandon coffee.

So I tried to put her away. The first 3 days spent in terrible headaches and feeling like punching everyone around me. Sleepy as a nursery rhyme. But Day 5 I showed some changes. By week 2, my acne was gone. Due to not having the accompanying milk, my weight also reduced a bit. My skin was clear. My jitters were gone. I actually felt better, instead of worse, and I could think more clearly. My sleep quality improved by an hours worth of sleep, and no longer did I have cravings. Actually, I loved it.

That’s when I realised.

Coffee. She was my guiding star and my greatest betrayer.